I went to IKEA on my lunch break. As I was in line to check out, I heard a siren start going off. Since I seem to hear this sound every time I go to any store at a mall, I just figured some clerk forgot to remove a security tag.

After a few seconds of beeping, an employee with a bull horn started running around yelling “Everybody at the front of a line grab a flag! Wave it high! Somebody is going to get their purchases for free!”

Suddenly everyone who was in the middle of checking out had an American flag and was waving it like crazy. The crowd of people who were previously just trying to buy their stuff and leave were now an excited audience full of giggles and chatter.

“I’m going to spin the big wheel! Whatever aisle number it lands on is the winner!”, said Mr. Bullhorn (I don’t know if that’s his real name). At this point, the hundred or so people in the “audience” become dead quiet, completely entranced by the “big wheel”.

“Aisle Eighteen is the winner!” The crowd went nuts. Everyone started clapping and whistling. Some guy, who was jumping up and down so much you’d think he was on “Let’s Make A Deal”, just won $270 worth of particleboard and orange plastic.

Rather than concentrate on how strange it was that a checkout line turned into a game show, I could help but think “Why the hell are they waving an American flag at a Swedish furniture store? When did the American flag stop being a sacred icon behind which all Americans can stand and start being a way for giggling consumers who want free furniture to identify themselves to Mr. Bullhorn?”