A few of my favorite non-political blogs have been part of this “blogger interview” thing. Seeing as how one of my best friends (and occasional co-blogger) Brian was part of this, I figured I would have him send me some questions with a slightly more political bent :

How it Works

1. Send me an e-mail, saying you want to be interviewed.

2. I will respond by asking you five questions.

3. You’ll update your website with my five questions and your five answers.

4. You’ll include this explanation.

5. You’ll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

The interview.

1. Which of the nine candidates for the Democrat primary would you most like to wrestle? (NOTE: We’re talking WWF here, not “Hotel New Hampshire.”) Please go into as much depth as you’d like. Please be extremely graphic with your answer.

Be “extremely graphic”? What are you getting at here, Brian? Of all the candidates, I think Dennis Kucinich would be the easiest one to beat since he’s small and a pacifist. Since it’s WWF-style, Sharpton would be the most amusing because of the pre-match interview. But of all the candidates, I think Joe Lieberman would be the most fun to wrestle. After throwing his bony ass around the ring for a while, I’d ask him if Hollywood was responsible for the violence that I’d be inflicting on him.

2. Do you think Bush is just acting stupid for the sake of plausible deniability, or is he actually as dumb as a box of hair? Feel free to answer using a ratio of “Acting Stupid to Being Stupid” in your answer if it helps.

I think he’s too dumb to act dumb, if that makes any sense. I don’t think the problem with Bush is that he’s dumb, but that he’s arrogant, apathetic, lazy, and willfully ignorant. If he was dumb, he wouldn’t be able to understand the issues that he’s in charge of making decisions upon. I think he has the capacity to learn, I just don’t think he wants to know anything. I think he purposely avoids any information that may challenge his views. This is evidenced by his admission that he never reads the newspaper, the way he shrugged off the largest war protests in human history, and his overall management style which can be best summed up as “delegate and ignore”. He lets others make all the big decisions because he really doesn’t care what happens.

3. How soon do you think it’ll be before the federal government sets up a Department of Obesity? Who do you think they should appoint to head it up?

Seriously, I wouldn’t be surprised if eventually obesity is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Since obesity is an epidemic, I think the whole knee-jerk reactions that many people have are somewhat inappropriate. This is obviously a problem that’s as much societal as individual in nature and I think there really needs to be something done to look at the big picture here. So, while a “Department of Obesity” seems like a silly idea on the surface, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to have an agency somewhere in the government that exclusively deals with this. This is a serious public heath problem that doesn’t get the attention it deserves because people all over the place are more interested in mocking fat people than actually helping them. Who should head it up? Hmmm…well I can’t think of anyone who’s helped more fat people than Richard Simmons. Plus, he’s like the Al Sharpton of the fitness world.

4. If you had the chance to spend an evening one-on-one with Bush, in which you both got blind stinking drunk, would you take it? If there were an admission involved, would you pay for the privilege? Finally, what bar would you take him to? (NOTE: Drag shows are fair game.)

Hell yeah. I’d pay whatever it costs and I’d bring along a camera to blackmail him with the pictures later (“Unless you want these pictures getting out, Mr. Bush, I suggest you rethink your faith-based initiatives plan.”) I don’t know all the places we’d go during the evening, but you can bet that we’d start in an Irish pub, end up in a leather bar, and along the way we’d hit every place that held an opportunity to make Bush look like a drunken jackass (Karaoke, Raves, Mosh Pits, etc.)

5. If you had to spend a year living in the White House with the Bushes, and becoming an intimate part of their family life, what would the highlights be for you? Is the idea so repellent that you’d pick the option of living with Dennis Kucinich in his car for two weeks? Discuss.

I wouldn’t want to live in a car with anybody. The highlights would probably be finding out firsthand how little time and attention he spends on running the country. I’d love to live in the White House with the Bush family. I’d imagine myself turning into the American equivalent of Salam Pax, anonymously giving people an inside look at just how screwed up the people who run our country really are.