South Knox Bubba recently posted this letter from God which really cracked me up. (via LeanLeft)

I appreciate the gesture, but you need my help a lot more than I need yours. See, I’m doing OK for the most part. And I don’t need any more self-proclaimed spokesmen running around making up any more proclamations or other writings claiming to speak for me. Furthermore, you don’t need a representative to talk to me. If you really need something, just ask me directly, OK? I thought we’d already been over this, like thousands of years ago?

As for your feeble attempts to organize some sort of “government” to manage your so-called “society”, don’t drag me into it. Have you not noticed what happens every time you do? If you don’t believe me, just ask my pal Allah.

And perhaps you will recall that really smart fellow, that Thomas Jefferson, I sent down there to help you with your IPO. Maybe you weren’t paying attention when he said:

“Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between church and state.”

Pay attention to that guy. He said that stuff for a reason. It’s one of the few smart things you people have done in a while. See, this whole deal works a lot better if we keep it on a one-on-one basis, just between you and me so to speak. Don’t screw it up, OK? Besides, the way your churches have been operating lately, I cannot fathom why you’d want them involved in important stuff like securing the peace and domestic tranquility, fixing potholes, and educating your children.

And why would you want to embarrass yourselves and your community with this kind of nonsense anyway? If you really want to please me, instead of thumping on that Bible so much maybe you ought to open it up every now and then and read some of it. To yourself. Quietly.