By now, I’m sure you’re all familiar with “The World’s Shortest Blog”. For those who haven’t been there yet, the site’s mission is to have someone ask Bush in a public forum of some sort “How many times have you been arrested, Mr. President?” In an effort to motivate people, the site offers a $2418 bounty for whomever asks the question (an additional $6000 is available from a companion blog). Inspired by this site, I’ve got an offer of my own. Rather than make this offer available to any chump off the street, my offer is good for only one person : Vice President Dick Cheney.

Mr. Vice President, if you’re reading this, I will give you twenty whole dollars to interrupt one of your answers during tomorrow night’s debate and say the following :

“Senator, I served with Dan Quayle. I knew Dan Quayle. Dan Quayle was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Dan Quayle.”

Trust me, this joke is too good to pass up. There’s no way on Earth it could possibly backfire and make you look stupid.

Vice President Cheney, who are we kidding here? We both know how much you love money. You love it more than scaring people into voting for you, or hiding your daughter from fellow Republicans, or even laundering debunked intelligence to start a war. The chance of making twenty dollars is too great to resist, yet I’m gonna up the ante just a little more. If Sen. Edwards responds to this surefire crowd-pleaser by telling you to do something “anatomically impossible” to yourself, the award is doubled to forty dollars. Cash.

That’s it. Unlike the tax laws that let your millionaire buddies get out of paying taxes, there’s no loopholes in this offer. And unlike the legal parsing and foggy hindsight that you and your allies to get out of taking any responsibility for misleading the entire world with half-assed excuses like “Saddam Hussein was a WMD himself”, well…I won’t pull that shit. Say what I wrote, get $20. If Edwards drops the F-bomb, get $20 more.

Good luck.