Archive for December, 2004

Catching Up

Thursday, December 30th, 2004

I’ve been completely out of the loop recently, so I’m still getting caught up on the tsunami news. It doesn’t help that the hyper-obsessive coverage by most news outlets makes the learning curve incredibly high. Wikipedia’s got the best information roundup I’ve seen so far. In the meantime, like the rest of you, I’d love to know how I can help. Lists of aid organizations like this are a little hard to digest, so if anyone out there has some suggestions, let me know.

Happy @$#%&! Holidays

Thursday, December 23rd, 2004

Thanks to the general public’s waning interest in politics (as well as my recent lack of posting), I’ve got some bandwidth to burn. So, here’s a special holiday mix CD for you guys. Click on the cover image to stream the music :


HappyHolidays.jpg
( Hi-Res Cover)

01 - Messiah
02 - We Wish You A Merry Christmas
03 - Christmas Won’t Be The Same This Year
04 - Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies
05 - Jingle Dingle Do
06 - Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
07 - Christmas Nite In Harlem
08 - I Wish It Could be Christmas Everyday
09 - Jingle Bell Surf
10 - Hooray For Santa Claus
11 - Merry Christmas
12 - Tell Santa Claus
13 - Merry Christmas Everybody
14 - Sleigh Ride
15 - Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer
16 - The Little Elf
17 - Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)
18 - We Wanna See Santa Do The Mambo
19 - Ding Dong Dandy Christmas
20 - Boogie Woogie Santa Claus
21 - Father Christmas
22 - O Holy Night
23 - Christmas Trumpets
24 - Papa Noel
25 - The Nutcracker Suite
26 - Wombling Merry Christmas
27 - Auld Lang Syne
28 - The Chipmunk Song

If you’d like even more Christmas music, check out Falalalala.com and BasicHip.com. There probably won’t be any more posting this year, but I’ll see you all in 2005.

Unhappy Holidays

Tuesday, December 21st, 2004

Okay, this whole “Happy Holidays” jihad is confusing me. As far as I can remember, people have been saying “HH” for many, many years now. Every time I’ve heard it, regardless of who’s speaking it, I’ve always interpreted it as an act of kindness that’s meant to imply “I know we may have different beliefs, but I hope your celebration is a happy one.” Of course, with New Years in the mix, it’s more than a pleasant inter-faith greeting. “Happy Holidays” is a nice, sincere expression of the whole season.

For a few humbugs out there, however, “Happy Holidays” has been stripped of its goodness and turned into a hideous attack on Christmas. Did you think you were being kind and inclusionary in your seasons greeting? Well, you were wrong! Little did you know that you were actually saying “Up yours, baby Jesus”. Okay, I’m exaggerating here, but not by much.

To hear some pundits weigh in, you’d think Christianity was under attack by liberal P.C. zealotry. As someone who’s been accused of being too politically correct, let me assure you that I don’t think saying “Merry Christmas” is an insult, I think public schools should be allowed to have Christmas trees, and I have very little problem with the fact that Christmas is the only religious holiday that’s recognized by the government.1 This is coming from someone who thinks a story about a virgin giving birth to god’s son in a barn is as ludicrous as a reindeer with a glowing nose or an elf who wants to be a dentist.

While many religious folks decry it, I see Christmas as a holiday whose spiritual meaning has been slowly eroding for a few generations now. While I detest overcommercialization, I think the secularization of the holiday is a good thing overall. The “reason for the season” arguments aside, the warmth that people get from the holiday season has much less to do with nativity scenes2 than with our society’s annual rites of being civil towards one another.

So, that’s why this atheist celebrates Christmas, but I can understand why many would choose not to do so. Obviously there are people who aren’t as comfortable with the holiday due to their cultural or religious traditions. Yet for those who are hell-bent on stripping the words “Happy Holidays” from our shared lexicon, the idea that any other major holiday would dare to impede on X-mas’ turf is an insult3. As far as the self-appointed defenders of Christmas are concerned, December belongs to Jesus. Period.

I’m not going defend the hypothetical language police who insist on making the words “Merry Christmas” a crime. That’s clearly a case of political correctness run amok. When you’ve got people interpreting every utterance of a harmless phrase as an attack on Christianity itself, extremism on the opposite end of the aisle is to blame. Just as liberals are often guilty of overreaching in our attempts to curb government sponsorship of religion, religious conservatives need to keep their persecution complex in check and realize that a few vague words of kindness don’t amount to an attempt to kill Christmas.

1: Within reason, of course. As far as I’m concerned, symbols like Santa Claus and Christmas trees have a pretty solid foot in the secular world at this point. Little statues that celebrate a baby being born in a barn are another story… (Check out this Slate article for more on the thin line between religious and secular Christmas symbols.)

2: Besides, as a non-believer, I find the stories about Jesus’s birth to be as unpersuasive as Mel Gibson’s pornographic celebration of his death. Jesus said and did plenty of great things; when are we gonna get a holiday devoted to that?

3: For example, take what Pat Robertson had to say about Kwanzaa :

Reverend Pat Robertson called Kwanzaa “an absolute fraud” during the news segment of Christian Broadcasting Network’s The 700 Club December 6. After lamenting that “left wing educators, left-wing judges are stripping every vestige of our Christian heritage,” Robertson, host and Christian Coalition of America founder, said: “Kwanzaa is an absolute fraud. You know, there was no festival in Africa called ‘Kwanzaa.’ I mean, it’s made up by a bunch of hippie-types on the West Coast. I mean, it’s not something that goes back to Africa. No way.”

Robertson sure is quick to cast stones, but there aren’t any holidays (religious or otherwise) that can reject charge of being “made up”. Since it’s pretty much a given that Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th and that the date was likely chosen by early Christians as a way to compete with pagan holidays such as Yule and Saturnalia, lemme just say “it’s not something that goes back to Bethlehem. No way.”

Dueling Christmas Displays

Monday, December 20th, 2004

So here’s a holiday photo gallery for you. Last year in Cuba, 75 dissidents were thrown in jail for their opposition to the government of Fidel Castro. As an act of solidarity with these men and women, the Christmas display at the American diplomatic mission contained this not-so-subtle jab :


cuba1.jpg

cuba2.jpg


Apparently though, Cuba doesn’t like having their human rights violations pointed out to them. In response, they put up a Christmas display of their own :

cuba3.jpg

cuba4.jpg


It looks like Mr. Castro hasn’t heard of a little thing we Americans like to call “political capital”. When our leaders win a mandate, we politely ignore their faults. Is he really naive enough to think that our government follows the rules they expect others to follow??

A Very Bushism X-Mas

Saturday, December 18th, 2004

Nick Lewis over at the Progressive Blog Alliance has picked up where I left off :




I can’t wait for someone to do “Fool me ? you can’t get fooled again.”

Try, Try Again

Friday, December 17th, 2004

Shorter Paul Krugman :

Mr. President, they tried that1 and it didn’t work.

Shorter Jonathan Chait :

Mr. President, we tried that2 and it didn’t work.

Shorter George W. Bush :

Don’t worry guys, this time 4 minus 2 will equal 5.

Somewhere, Al Gore is in a padded room screaming the words “fuzzy math!” at CNN over and over again.

1 : Privatizing social security without cutting benefits or raising taxes.
2 : Cutting the hell out of taxes to promote economic growth.

Holiday Q & A

Thursday, December 16th, 2004

Questions that have been answered by “the news” recently :

  • Why do Jewish people light the menorah?

  • How many miles of conveyor belt are at ______ plant / airport?
  • How can I get the best deals on gifts?
  • How early should I get to the airport?
  • People are buying gifts on the internet?!
  • What are this season’s hottest toys?
  • What’s the deal with fruitcake?
  • How easy is it to sneak a bomb/gun onto an airplane?
  • Questions that haven’t been answered by “the news” recently :

  • Why the hell did President Bush give promotions or awards to his Administration’s biggest fuckups?

  • How the hell can Republicans partially privatize Social Security without putting us deepr in debt, raising taxes, or cutting benefits?
  • Why haven’t there been any followup stories on the flood of electoral problems in Ohio?
  • Why are so many people leaving the Bush cabinet?
  • Whose ass do I have to kick to make our airplanes more secure 3½ years after 9/11?
  • Feel free to add to these lists. I don’t have the energy to comb through the archives to remind myself of all the things that have been swept under the rug in favor of holiday-themed “junk food” news.

    Funny, in a Pathetic Sorta Way

    Wednesday, December 15th, 2004

    Every time I see stuff like this, I keep telling myself I should make more of an effort to read the “Corrections” section of the newspaper :




    You know we’re in trouble when the people we count on to provide us the truth is using the words “correct” and “horoscope” in the same sentence. I wonder if they run an item in the corrections section every time Jeffy from the Family Circus says “pasghetti” instead of “spaghetti”?

    Some Info For Norm

    Wednesday, December 15th, 2004

    Apparently Republicans realize that Donald Rumsfeld might be doing a bad job, but think it requires a little more investigation (via Josh Marshall) :

    U.S. Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn., also said Wednesday he has deep concerns about the leadership of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

    Coleman says Congress will investigate allegations the military has not provided adequate armor for U.S. soldiers in Iraq.

    “The military has come back and said they’re doing everything they can. They’re moving as fast as they can. I think we have to look into that and question that because our soldiers deserve nothing less. There shouldn’t be any doubt that we’re providing the highest level protection equipment there is. And if not, someone should be accountable,” he said.

    Coleman says he needs more information before deciding if Rumsfeld should be held accountable for the lack of armor on military vehicles.

    Since Sen. Coleman seems to require more information, here’s a helpful slide from a PowerPoint presentation on the Department of Defense website that he might find helpful :




    Of course, Donald Rumsfeld isn’t the top of the ladder either. For that, here’s a picture that should be in the DoD’s PowerPoint presentation :



    What’s the current exchange rate for political capital -> immunity from responsibility?

    Stupid is as stupid does.

    Wednesday, December 15th, 2004

    Geez, I have no idea why people keep insisting the George W. Bush is an idiot. Perhaps it’s quotes like this one from earlier today :

    George W. Bush, international economist: “There’s a trade deficit. That’s easy to resolve: People can buy more United States products if they’re worried about the trade deficit.”

    Tis’ the season for crappy impulse gifts, so perhaps we can use this quote as a starting point for a desk calendar or one of this itty-bitty books that people put in stockings. Perhaps something like this…


    bringemon.jpg

    “The best way for our economy to add jobs is to hire people. If you’re worried about unemployment, you should hire somebody yourself.”

    “As a peace President, I understand people hate the war. The solution to this is simple. If people don’t like war, then don’t sign up for the Army. Duh.”

    “Yes. The deficit is a problem, but so is cancer. Think about it.”

    “If you’re so damn worried about the environment, just buy more of that gay soap with the oatmeal in it.”

    “There’s plenty of pollution in the air. If it’s something people are worried about, I’ve got two words : Stop Breathing

    The more I hear the President speak, the more I understand why he wins elections. It’s the Forrest Gump factor. People love hearing that the answers to all their problems can be found in the simple one-liners thrown out by a retarded person who doesn’t understand what he’s talking about.