…The Lord said unto the Americiginians Thou apostates! Thou hath made unto thee a graven image in the shape of Courtney Love, and while she is unto the eye tired but still moderately hot, she is unclear in mind and foggy in shoe choice. Fools! Wankettes! Thou should at least create unto thee an image of Cameron Diaz as may be seen in her very early videos with bouncy-bouncy and will be pleasing in My sight, Hubba-Hubba! saith the LORD.
(Animal Acts, 2:166)

The Disciples bid jesus sit and Converse. After He drew the laces tightly on his shoes, they asked, “Lord, we have walked with you and spoken and ministered with you in all the villages we have visited. We have been hungry, gone cross-gartered; many of us have scabies and poison ivy from making in the bushes.” What is thy point? jesus said to them. “Didst thou believe this was a fun road trip? And Me getting nailed at the end? — But, believe me, this a pun I did not intend?”

“Suppose one of you wants to build a parking garage. From the kingdom of Enron cometh a lesson: Will he not first sit down and bribe all who may help with this thing and so increase his chances of being rich? For if he lays the foundation, or the foundation’s girlfriend, and is not able to finish, everyone who sees him will ridicule him, saying, ?This fellow cannot hump to save his own life.’

“Lord,” asked the Disciples, “What is a parking garage?”

And jesus said, “Hold thy water, Peter; thou wear thy big brother’s pants. A king who is about to go to war must not speak untruth to his bretheren and his people. He is an abomination in the sight of the LORD, and He will make of them a debris cloud and lay waste to their Kleenex and Tony Llamas utterly.”

“Truly, I say to you, in a value-added kingdom, the king bringeth to the table good things in the sight of the LORD or he shall be forced to clean kitchen grills with his tongue, and see educational films with cheerleaders and squirrels which have been shaved before the going down of the sun on Fridays.”

“In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has and follow me cannot later claim to have been at Woodstock.”

“But Lord”, said the Disciples, “We will folow you and do as you ask, but what is a Woodstock? Is it important in Your sight?”

“Hoo Boy,” saith jesus.
(Curly Joe, 6:98)

This kind of backwards interpretation has been going on since the beginning of humanity.

Mark 4:9 KJV “And he said unto them, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.”

Now Franken smears the Christian religion… One of the real Jesus’ central teachings was the danger of greed, not wealth. The supply side Jesus of Pastor Al’s comic proclaims, “It is easier for a rich man to enter Heaven seated comfortably on the back of a camel, than it is for a poor man to pass through the eye of a needle.”

Obviously, as shown in the preceding panel, this is a bastardized rendition of Matthew (not Peter) 19:24, where Jesus states that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again, this is a warning against greed, not wealth. People like to quote the famous clich?, “Money is the root of all evil.” Well, biblically, that quote is incorrect, because the entire verse reads that

“The love of money is the root of all evil [emphasis added], which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows”
(1 Timothy 6:10).

Money has the power to corrupt those who allow themselves to be enslaved by the selfish pursuit of it, and it is from that corruption that the evil arises.

(In the second column): According to Supply Side Jesus, “If you are prosperous on Earth, that means that God is rewarding your rugged individualism. If you are poor, it is a sign that God frowns on your reliance on handouts.” Now does anybody honestly believe that that was Ronald Reagan’s message? Does anyone believe that to be George W. Bush’s message? Only irrational liberals who want to believe it in order to fuel their predisposed hatred.

The top right panel is just more smearing of the real conservative stance on money issues. The cartoon shows that you must give, give GIVE to supply side Jesus. The truth is that conservatives want the opposite. They want to NOT give more and more.

The reality of the issue has nothing to do with giving. It’s all about keeping. Conservatives don’t ask that the poor give their money to the rich as Franken dishonestly depicts, they simply ask that the government not punish people for making money (which is exactly the reality). It seems to me that this is not a terribly hard argument to counter and make fun of in an accurate parody, yet Franken doesn’t. He plays on his readers bias and ignorance to paint a defamatory conception of fiscally conservative policies.

It’s all about interpetation, and as long as you can interpret the Bible to suit your own selfish needs, fundamentalists will continue to do just that.