Mmmmm…Crucifixilicious

I’m not even a Christian, but agree that this is pretty messed up :

A mass-produced chocolate cross is being sold this Easter by Russell Stover Candies Inc. in about 5,000 stores nationwide, which experts say is apparently a first for a major American company.

“Obviously they’ve seen that there’s a market for chocolate crosses at Easter,” said Lisbeth Echeandia, a consultant for Candy Information Service, which monitors candy industry trends. “I don’t see it growing tremendously but I think there would be growth in the Christian market.”

However, not all Christians are happy about it. Chomping on a chocolate cross can be offensive to some, said Joseph McAleer, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic diocese in Bridgeport, Conn.

“The cross should be venerated, not eaten, nor tossed casually in an Easter basket beside the jelly beans and marshmallow Peeps,” he said. “It’s insulting.”

I’ve linked to it a couple of times before, but when you’ve got Pat Robertson selling a book called “The Bible Cure for Yeast Infections”, you’ve really hit rock bottom. Now we’ve got a situation in which people are turning the instrument in which their lord endured a slow, bloody death and turning it into candy. It’s always astounding to me how much kitschification of their god most Christians are willing to put up with.

Since this weekend is probably the only one in which many of you will be going to church this year, here’s an idea. While the preacher is yammering about something that you’ll forget in the parking lot, ask yourself this question “Why should anyone take your beliefs seriously if you don’t?”


posted by greg on March 25, 2005 @ 1:04 pm

8 comments

  1. Tom Waits:

    Don’t go to church on Sunday
    Don’t get on my knees to pray
    Don’t memorize the books of the Bible
    I got my own special way
    Bit I know Jesus loves me
    Maybe just a little bit more

    I fall on my knees every Sunday
    At Zerelda Lee’s candy store

    Well it’s got to be a chocolate Jesus
    Make me feel good inside
    Got to be a chocolate Jesus
    Keep me satisfied

    Well I don’t want no Anna Zabba
    Don’t want no Almond Joy
    There ain’t nothing better
    Suitable for this boy
    Well it’s the only thing
    That can pick me up
    Better than a cup of gold
    See only a chocolate Jesus
    Can satisfy my soul

    (Solo)
    When the weather gets rough
    And it’s whiskey in the shade
    It’s best to wrap your savior
    Up in cellophane
    He flows like the big muddy
    But that’s ok
    Pour him over ice cream
    For a nice parfait

    Well it’s got to be a chocolate Jesus
    Good enough for me
    Got to be a chocolate Jesus
    Good enough for me

    Well it’s got to be a chocolate Jesus
    Make me feel good inside
    Got to be a chocolate Jesus
    Keep me satisfied

    Comment by The Critic — March 25, 2005 @ 4:49 pm

  2. Careful, UU! Who takes our religion seriously?

    Comment by Joe — March 26, 2005 @ 12:04 am

  3. Hmmmm… How do you get the Bible in there?

    Comment by Unstable Isotope — March 26, 2005 @ 8:44 am

  4. I want a chocolate crucifix, but I want mine with Jesus on the cross. Do they come with nuts?

    I hope that Pat Robertson plans to publish “The Bible Cure for Acne” soon.

    Comment by Ereshkigal — March 26, 2005 @ 10:35 pm

  5. I have TWO chocolate crosses–one labeled “solid milk chocolate,” the other “white confection,” (guessing legal issues involved) produced by Heartland Chocolates, Inc., North Canton Ohio…I keep them on either side of my bobblehead Jesus…

    Comment by Michael — March 27, 2005 @ 8:47 am

  6. People are overly sensitive about this stuff these days. When I was a kid, I remember getting a chocolate cross in my Easter basket, made entirely from Milky Way bars. It was tremendously delicious, I recall, and there were no complaints to be heard. Of course, that was at least 40+ years ago; maybe God forgot all about it….

    Comment by fullnelson — March 28, 2005 @ 12:54 pm

  7. Waits confection would not make the distinction between the brown chocolate woodlike cross material and the light toned, softer flesh. I would suggest a Peeps-like Jesus. Not sure how to fasten the P-J to the chocross…any ideas? The nuts suggestion is disgusting.
    IMHO. But thats me.
    HAND, Seesdifferent

    Comment by seesdifferent — March 29, 2005 @ 5:46 pm

  8. New Pat Robertson offerings:
    “The Bible Cure for Anal Warts”
    “The Bible Cure for Homosexuality”
    “The Bible Cure for Hard Drive Crashes”

    And the ever popular, “How to Buy a Car the Biblical Way”

    Comment by Bobsled — March 30, 2005 @ 9:48 am

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