Remember Heart of the Beholder? Well it looks like the movie “Hollywood is afraid to make” has been made by…well…a bunch of people in Hollywood. The site now features a trailer that’s every bit as cringe-worthy as the script. The friend I mentioned in last year’s post ended up not working on the film because the part they wanted her to audition for required some gratuitous nudity, which is featured in one of the nine clips on the Heart of the Beholder’s site. That’s right, of the clips chosen to draw people to the film, they pick the one with the boobs bouncing in slow motion.

Another thing that I just caught this time around was the producer gushing that “the film’s structure is flawless and the writing excellent in every aspect”. For those that haven’t read the film’s script, the “excellent in every way” includes a blowjob from a toothless prostitute, a Three Stooges imitation, and a guy getting shot in the nuts during the film’s climactic game of paintball. Not to mention the final scene, which is soooo bad that I’m gonna quote it again :

Mike stands face to face, listening to Bob’s plea.

BOB (CONT’D)
I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE!! IS THERE ANYWAY
YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE
ME?!!

Mike looks deep at Bob’s sweating face, the twitching of his
mouth, the betrayal in his eyes.

MIKE
Forgive you?

Mike takes a slow deep breath.

MIKE (CONT’D)
Not a chance.

Bob’s eyes open wide in fear. With one fast and fluid
movement, Mike throws his fist straight into camera.

BLACKOUT:

Who knows? Maybe all this crap didn’t make it into the final version of the film. We’ll find out in a few years when we accidentally catch part of the movie on late-night Skinemax or something.