Well, I’m back from the other side of the equator and completely exhausted. My thanks to Ross for doing such a great job keeping this site running. When I get a few minutes, I’ll write a little more about Venezuela, Chavez, and why Bush isn’t 100% wrong for opposing the guy. For now, lemme leave you with this example of the housing for the majority of Venezuela’s residents :

For a country so rich in oil that they can subsidize it to the tune of 17.66 cents per gallon (or 100 Bolivars per liter), there’s no reason why the majority of the population should be living in poverty. More later.

Your party considers your body to be nothing more than a baby factory, or so says Rick Santorum, who is now on record stating that Birth Control is “Harmful to our country“.

(click the link, watch the video, be amazed)

This video has to be seen to be believed. Rick is trying very, very hard to make his patriarichal, puritan views on sexuality and women sound like reasonable, moderate positions. He’s affected that bullshit “stern, caring, awkward pressing his views on people” pose that Republicans have grown very good at, even trying to make it appear as though he’s merely going to scold us for using birth Control. You know, “Even though I consider the very existence of X to be the worst threat in history, I have no intention to take X away.” Don’t believe it peoples, the key phrase is “unnatural Birth control.”

The simple fact is that the vision for America held by these people is a damnable, hellish place, the sort of society that all religious governments ultimately create, and just the sort of thing our Founding Fathers fought so hard to prevent when our constitution was written. Upcoming elections are turning into referendums on the right to privacy, sex, and personal freedom, and there can be simply no compromise on any of this.

While Democrats increasingly cower before the republicans who hate them, the religious right and the conservative movement is making their medieval views on science and sex sound downright mainstream. Our so called liberal representatives painfully obfuscate their support for such basic human rights, and naively seek compromise positions on the most intimate and basic freedoms we have, apparently believing that this will somehow get them elected. Of course, the fact that this has been a losing strategy for almost 20 years is lost on them, but so it goes.

We on the left need to proudly assert our support for women’s rights, sexual freedom, and the freedom of Women to have the same right to pleasure without threat of physical pain that men do. We need to admit to ourselves that our vision of the future is simply incompatible with theirs, and the only course of action is to fight, hard, to drag these freaks kicking and screaming into the future whether they like it or not.

There can simply not be a compromise postion on the most basic rights and freedoms we have, not if we want to live in a free society. As far as I’m concerned, either you support these rights, including the right to fuck and even abort, enthusiastically, or you may as well concede their abolition right now.

Until we assert, without embarassment or apology that we support these freedoms unconditionally, we will continue to lose. It’s your choice America - freedom or theocracy. What will it be?

Found via Atrios

Courtesy of the La Times, here’s a hilarious Op-Ed about Hillary’s obvious attempt to pander to people who would never vote for her crusade For The Children(tm)!!!

Dear Sen. Clinton:

I’m writing to commend you for calling for a $90-million study on the effects of video games on children, and in particular the courageous stand you have taken in recent weeks against the notorious “Grand Theft Auto” series.

I’d like to draw your attention to another game whose nonstop violence and hostility has captured the attention of millions of kids — a game that instills aggressive thoughts in the minds of its players, some of whom have gone on to commit real-world acts of violence and sexual assault after playing.

I’m talking, of course, about high school football.

I know a congressional investigation into football won’t play so well with those crucial swing voters, but it makes about as much sense as an investigation into the pressing issue that is Xbox and PlayStation 2.

After that it sort of turns into a “Hand-eye coordination”, “Skills, digital workplace” blah blah essay, but over all, the point is sound - It’s ridiculous to pretend that GTA is something new and somehow incomprehensible, and that it represents a unique danger. I hope Hillary appreciates the people to whom she’s pandering, because with every boot lick, she loses what shred remains of the support people on her own side, like me, are willing to begrudge her, should the democratic party suicidally decide to nominate her.

Meanwhile, here’s a question for you all: Why do you think our so called liberal representatives consider progressives and social liberals so politically poisonous that they so easily flip to the right? It’s not our fault, so what is it?

Hi chaps, Ross here, again. Today must be a slow newsday because here’s what on CNN’s main page right now:

You know, now that I think about it, it is insanely hot outside, in summer, a season which as far as I can make out is never hot, because it typically snows during summer and therefore this heat is newsworthy. Why, that’s way more important than trivial matters such as the fact that our soldiers in Iraq have been dealing with temperatures that make our current heat wave look like early fall, for about 3 years now.

And when you get down to it, Boy Scouts, Porsche Sedans for rich douchebags who don’t look douchebaggy enough, and Doonsbury are a hell of a lot more newsworthy than the fact that our pal Karl “Turdblossom” “Rosenberg” Rove just picked up himself a sweet ass muthafuckin’ raise.

The top pay for senior White House aides, including Chief of Staff Andrew Card, Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove and Legislative Affairs Director Candida Wolff, mushroomed to $161,000 at the beginning of July, according to a list sent to Congress and obtained by National Journal, RAW STORY can reveal.

Of course, only a communist, pro terra agitator would dare raise troubling questions about the oddity of a man under investigation for serious criminality recieving a huge raise in the midst of layoffs and war. And only a effeminate homosexualist would dare wonder why this isn’t a bigger news story. Back in the real, patriotic world, we know that giving raises to traitors is the price we must pay for being the greatest, most awesomest country in the history of the world, even including that period of Ancient Rome where everyone got nekkid, ate too much and fucked like rabbits.

As for me? I could use some extra money at work, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m heading over to my director’s office to steal some of his personal effects.

That’s about the best summary possible of this delightful smear job appearing in today’s NY POST, courtesy of Fox news online. Words cannot express how maliciously dishonest and yet, somehow hilarious and painfully stupid this article is.

This article literally contains nearly every single republican talking point. On the scale of suck, it’s somewhere in between people who voted for Bush and act surprised at his policies, and The Eagles greatest hits. Some highlights, meine freunde:

WASHINGTON — Outed CIA spy Valerie Plame last fall gave a campaign contribution to go toward an anti-Bush fund-raising concert starring Bruce Springsteen, it was revealed Tuesday night.

DA DA DAAAAAAA

Sorry, that’s the best description of OH DEAR GOD music I can write.

It’s the first revelation that Plame participated in anti-Bush political activity while working for the CIA.

See above.

Wilson — who played an active role in Democrat John Kerry’s (search) losing 2004 presidential campaign — said the anti-Bush concert was “great” and told Time that his wife “doesn’t recall listing herself as retired.”

CIA rules allow campaign contributions, but the fact that Plame gave money to the anti-Bush effort is likely to raise eyebrows.

Lord knows mine have been raised, considerably. In fact, they’re somewhere above my receding hairline as I write this.

America Coming Together is one of the anti-Bush activist groups bankrolled by Bush-opposing billionaire George Soros (search). He gave the group around $10 million.

OH MY GOD! You mean the jew Soros is behind this nefarious scheme to legally fund the democratic opposition to the president by legally participating in the annual and constitutionally mandated election process. That bastard! And by the way, don’t you think Joe Wilson is a little faggy, what with his bull Dyke, “retired” CIA employed, Job securing wife? Vote Bush.

White House officials say Rove was seeking to discredit Wilson’s attacks on Bush by noting that Wilson only got picked for the CIA mission because of his wife.

Like I said: F-A-G-G-Y. Anyway, go and read.

I linked to this blog the other day on my own site, but I think that readers of The Talent Show will find it as hilarious as I do. Subtitled A handbook for government by wishful thinking, it’s an infrequently updated collection of definitions suitable to the Orwellian times we are stupidly forced to endure. I love the english language, especially when it’s set to the task of eviscerating the shallow and stupid, and this site is delightfully, if subtley mean to the vommit backwash disguised as the American political right.

Noteable Excerpts include:

Consistency, n. The avoidance of hypocrisy through persistent, provocative and pervasive lying:

and

Islamofascism, n. An amalgam of religion and meaningless expletive, bound together with the “o” from “veg-o-matic”. Originally coined by Communists in their struggle to explain the indifference of Muslims to the self-evident charms of Communism, this word tends to evoke hysteria in the listener, whether as an insult to Islam, as an insult to the English language, or as a humiliating reminder of things that are foreign and hard to pronounce.

UPDATED FOR CLARITY, STYLE

People, I’m all about hating on Bin Ladin. He’s knee-deep involved in the death of thousands, and his cute brand of fundamentalism is the enemy of you, me, and everything I (we?) believe in. Plus, he’s been Bush’s most reliable campaign prop, so you know he’s been pissing me off like you read about*.

Unfortunately for us, we have a government bound determined to let him get away with it all, only to let him surface whenever it’s politically convenient. It’s been 4 years, and instead of actually making any real progress in combatting terrorism, we’re stuck in this ridiculous nightmare in Iraq, referred to amazingly as the War on Terror. This tactic has been about as successful as the War on Drugs, and equally as scary, since in both cases our way of life is more threatened by the people supposedly fighting on our side directing the good fight here at home, than it is by the enemies we fear.

Of course, the GWOT and the GWOD often conflagrate, which is why this little gem from the Post had me laughing hysterically. Anyone want to bet that this is utter bullshit? (Via Raw Story):

WASHINGTON — Usama bin Laden tried to buy a massive amount of cocaine, spike it with poison and sell it in the United States, hoping to kill thousands of Americans one year after the Sept. 11 attacks, The Post has learned.

Wow, the Post, aye? Then it must be true.

The evil plot failed when the Colombian drug lords bin Laden approached decided it would be bad for their business — and, possibly, for their own health, according to law-enforcement sources familiar with the Drug Enforcement Administration’s (search) probe of the aborted transaction.

This is a new one on me. A right wing paper forced by conflicting obsessions to label drug use in the US as less evil than terra. They must have been crying all morning when this story went up. At least they got to use the word “aborted.”

Then again, let’s not forget that drugs, and the war on drugs, are basically two sides of the same class war. That’s why cocaine has less of a stigma than pot: Rich people do coke, and rich people vote Republican. This kind of thing would scare conservatives because it would, if true, kill a lot of people they know. Therefore, from the Post’s point of view, this would be evil.

However…

The feds were told of the scheme earlier this year, but its existence had never been made public. The Post has reviewed a document detailing the DEA’s findings in the matter, in addition to interviewing sources familiar with the case.

The information came in a dossier labled “Warning: Contents may deflect attention from Karl Rove. Use only when absolutely neccesary.

Sources said the feds were told that bin Laden personally met with leaders of a Colombian drug cartel to in 2002 to negotiate the purchase of tons of cocaine, saying that he was willing to spend tens of millions of dollars to finance the deal.

It was not clear where the meeting took place.

Wanna bet “never”? Not to rain on the government’s parade, but for this to be true, we have to believe that Osama Bin ladin either traveled to South America, or that he somehow convinced Columbian Drug lords to leave their drug lord mansions and come visit him for a little pow wow in the desert. You know, the same desert engulfed in near constant war for the last 30 years? yeah, right.

Like the first paragraph, in which we were expected to momentarily forget that anyone who does drugs is FOR ALL TIME and EVIL, EVIL person, so that we could feel sympathy for them when their little coke party turned into a funeral, here we’re expected to forget that Osama has been “stuck” in either Pakistan or Afganistan since Oct, 2001, at least according the Government that wants you to forget about him so you can get to hating on Saddam.

Take your pick: Either he’s been evading us in the hot ass desert for 4 years, or we LET HIM LEAVE THE COUNTRY and/or recieve guests during this time. How does this story do anything other than make the Bush administration look anything other than a bunch of total dipshits?

Oh:

“It is important we recognize that when money goes from the pocket of an American to buy drugs, it may contribute to the financing of unspeakable crimes of violence around the world,” Hutchinson told Congress that year when he detailed the narcotics trade connection to al Qaeda and other terror groups.

Thanks for letting me know. Now I know only to buy America approved pharmaceuticals brought to you by major campaign donors, or consumer items made using sweatshop labor in hellish conditions. Freedom may not be free, but thanks to globalization, you can get it on one hell of a sweet discount.

Hmm, I wonder just what Emmanual Goldstein Osama could have been thinking?

Bin Laden hoped that large numbers of Americans dying from poisoned coke would lead to widespread terror.

Really? I mean, an army of spooks ready to realease conveniently scary information every time the Bushies get in trouble and the best thing they can think of is “Osama commits terror to terrorize”?

“They wanted to kill thousands of people — more than the World Trade Center,” said a source.

911 911 911 911 911 911 911 911!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although the drug lords would have reaped millions of dollars in profits by selling the cocaine to bin Laden, they knew that if his plan succeeded it might effectively destroy the market for their coke in America for years, sources said.

But that was only one reason they declined bin Laden’s offer.

Another possible reason is that it didn’t happen. I’m not here to defend the honor of drug lords, (I mean, it’s not like they’re exactly “nice” people), but correct me if I’m wrong, if this story were true, then wouldn’t “Because it would destroy us and everything we do” be a pretty compelling motiviation, and in fact not place them in any worse light than they already are?

Check this:

Despite bin Laden’s plan being thwarted, the DEA believes that al Qaeda continues to this day to traffic in drugs to fund a variety of its operations — including training, traveling and terror attacks.

So, Osama, the notorious DRUG DEALER, (AIEEEE!) needed to go to, um, notorious drug dealers in order to buy drugs? Look, there’s lazy and then there’s this bullshit. If you’re going to write flimsy propaganda, at least try a little harder not to insult my intelligence.

Anyway, to sum up:

Osama has been stuck in west Asia for 4 years.

AND

Osama has been touring the world sampling the best narcotics

AND

Osama is largely unimportant to the GWOT

BECAUSE

Saddam hates puppies!

BUT

Osama is a horrible menace who 911!!!

AND

Osama also controls all heroin

EVEN THOUGH

He’s largely unimportant to the GWOT

BUT

He’s going to POISON YOUR DRUGS

WHICH

You shouldn’t do kids, because that will make you evil!

UNLESS

You’re “youth” and “indiscreet”. Because we all make mistakes

UNLESS

You’re poor, in which case we’re throwing the fucking book at you. Smoke pot? 30 years in the pokey. Snort coke with the CEO? Why won’t you just let people deal with their personal problems? They’ve made their peace with god, why can’t you?

But mostly, drugs make you evil!

UNLESS

You’re killed by terra. Then you’re a martyr!

UNLESS

You’re a liberal. Then Fuck off.

Any questions?

And yes, I do think cocaine is stupid, and cokeheads are lame. I also don’t think they should be thrown in jail, or used as props in the GWOT. After all, it isn’t like getting faded in some form or another isn’t a universal fact of life. Being hypocrites about it just makes us look stupid when we try to combat the social ills associated with drugs.

Also, like all Americans, I think that what happened on 911 was awful and like all Americans, I want to see justice done.

*Obviously, I am being flippant.

Dozens killed in Egyptian blasts

At least 36 people have been killed and more than 100 wounded in a string of explosions in the Egyptian Red Sea resort of Sharm el-Sheikh, police said.
Residents said the first explosion appeared to have taken place in the Old Market area, which includes shops that are popular with tourists.

Other blasts were heard in the nearby area of Naama Bay. Witnesses said a four-star hotel was heavily damaged.

Preliminary reports said the blasts might have been caused by car bombs.

The first blast, which took place shortly after 0100 local time (2200 GMT), shook windows some distance away, and smoke was seen rising over the area, residents said.

Well I don’t really know what to say about this, except things seem increasingly, rather than decreasingly dangerous. Here’s hoping the toll doesn’t get any higher.

Hillary Clinton is freaking out about GTA. Next she’ll certainly be taking on the perilous threat of random swinging blades, ala’ The onion. Meanwhile, Karl Rove is still a traitor, the war still kills thousands, and we’re about to confirm a nutjob for the SCOTUS. Hooray!

LOL! Ur Going 2 sel me a kilo! kewl! ROTFLMAO!!!

Investigators ‘urgently’ seek 4 in attack probe Really, can anyone improve on that headline?

The House renews the Patriot Act. “Strict Constructionist” justices reportedly seen running out of local Activist Judge whorehouse, claiming they were looking for the bathroom. House to vote later today on propsed amendment to outmoded “advise and consent” clause in the US Constitution.

Terror attacks in Beruit. After double checking that no white people were killed, Republicans, US Media pour themselves another glass of brandy.

Last known pun reserves exhausted by media. Beginning tomorrow, media to begin drilling in Alaska for deeper, lamer jokes.

Obesity research conducted by Dungeons and Dragons Role Playing Society.

UPDATE: I just realized a better Joke for below…

2000 Islamic Radicals Rally in Pakistan. Reunited 2000 Kite World Cup winning team defends title against Afganistan’s Gudiparan Bazis.

After that, FBI to investigate India.

Accidental typo in major tech news article. Corrected word to read “Video Gamers“.

Video Game ‘Mods’ Under Scrutiny. Rockers, the Who go into hiding.

Hi everyone, Ross A Lincoln here!

Hopefully Greg won’t kill me for my narcissistic needs, but for those of you who might not know it, I host a Radio show called Theme Party every friday night, here in L.A. We play lots of cute, obscure of just on-a-whim types of songs, and tend to have pretty neats guests. (We’ve even had Greg on the show as a guest, once upon a time!)

We broadcast from 9 PM to 11 PM west coast time, and you can listen to it online, should you feel so inclined. If you’re curious, check out our Myspace account where you’ll find a much better description of what we do than the one I’m giving here, as well as relevant links to our official site, or to kill Radio, from whence our show comes.

That’s it for the plug. More politics to follow shortly.