Hillary Clinton is freaking out about GTA. Next she’ll certainly be taking on the perilous threat of random swinging blades, ala’ The onion. Meanwhile, Karl Rove is still a traitor, the war still kills thousands, and we’re about to confirm a nutjob for the SCOTUS. Hooray!

LOL! Ur Going 2 sel me a kilo! kewl! ROTFLMAO!!!

Investigators ‘urgently’ seek 4 in attack probe Really, can anyone improve on that headline?

The House renews the Patriot Act. “Strict Constructionist” justices reportedly seen running out of local Activist Judge whorehouse, claiming they were looking for the bathroom. House to vote later today on propsed amendment to outmoded “advise and consent” clause in the US Constitution.

Terror attacks in Beruit. After double checking that no white people were killed, Republicans, US Media pour themselves another glass of brandy.

Last known pun reserves exhausted by media. Beginning tomorrow, media to begin drilling in Alaska for deeper, lamer jokes.

Obesity research conducted by Dungeons and Dragons Role Playing Society.

UPDATE: I just realized a better Joke for below…

2000 Islamic Radicals Rally in Pakistan. Reunited 2000 Kite World Cup winning team defends title against Afganistan’s Gudiparan Bazis.

After that, FBI to investigate India.

Accidental typo in major tech news article. Corrected word to read “Video Gamers“.

Video Game ‘Mods’ Under Scrutiny. Rockers, the Who go into hiding.