My friend Brian just opened my eyes to one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. Right now in the comics pages of your local newspaper is a storyline that will shake you to your very core. Mary Worth is being stalked by Captain Kangaroo :

The best part of all this though is that, as Brian pointed out, the resemblance between Mary’s stalker Aldo and the Captain is no accident :

The story lines have sizzled with mystery and suspense since early July when a bizarre new character was introduced. Aldo Kelrast, who bears a striking resemblance to the late TV host Captain Kangaroo, wants Mary. Bad.

At first, good ol’ Mary was in denial. She thought it was “flattering” that Aldo wanted to hook up, even while the gossip-mongering chatterboxes at Charterstone Condominium Compex in Santa Royale, Calif., where Mary lives, had all but branded Aldo a psycho wife-killer stalker guy.

Will Aldo snap? Will Mary be harmed? Will her lover return from his medical mission of mercy in Cambodia to save the day?
. . .
But why does Aldo look like a clone of Captain Kangaroo, the affable character played by Bob Keeshan who hosted a popular TV show for kids from 1955 to ‘91?

Because that’s how writer Moy wanted him drawn.

“She said, ‘I see something like Captain Kangaroo,’ ” Giella says. “I said, ‘No problem.’ “

I haven’t encountered such a bizarre “the joke tells itself” sort of situation since Cheney shot that dude. So there you have it. Mary Worth is being stalked by Captain Kangaroo.