Watch for those stress test and e-meter tables – Look how do this!

Unfortunately, as Greg’s excerpt shows, it’s an interesting idea buried under a swamp of hackneyed, 3rd rate shite. I hate to break it to the Scientologists, but L. Ron Hubbard was not a good writer, not even remotely. His technique was, essentially, to date rape the English language and then convince himself afterward that he made sweet love to it. It’s a terrible thing to see, all the worse because his followers in the Church of Scientology constantly laud his literary powers as if he was the second coming of H.G. Welles.

Then again, I suspect even they know what a terrible writer he is. At the L. Ron Hubbard Life Exhibition in Hollywood, (which every single one of you ought to see once before you die. it’s easily the single most hilarious thing in the entire world,) during the part of the tour that discusses his writing career, it discusses his attempt to break into screenwriting. Long Story short, he came out and got paid shit wages for a couple of shitty movies, couldn’t make a living, called it a success and quit. That’s an easy enough story to tell, right? Hell, no one’s perfect after all.

Except, unfortunately for sanity and reason, the Cult of Scientology considers L. Ron to be the one exception the nobody’s perfect rule. (He is the “friend of Mankind, after all,) They have no choice but to depict his every experience as the casual display of godly perfection. Unfortunately, there’s too much documentary evidence for them to lie about his screenwriting career like they do about his Military Career and Childhood, so they’re forced to give what I consider to be the most amazingly lame praise in the history of sycophancy. At the end of this section of the tour, after the brief description of L. Ron’s stillborn career as a screenwriter, the VO narrator says, quote:

“Yes, Hollywood Screenwriting. One of the many areas in which L. Ron. Hubbard was a true professional!”

Anyhoo, you want my opinion? He didn’t write this, or, he was halfway through it when he died and one of the ghostwriters took over for him. Because there are striking differences in tone and prose style throughout. Of course, it could just be that L. Ron. was a crazy, drug addled sociopath. Of course, I only say this as a joke because I’d hate to be sued by the Scientologists. I’m just kidding guys, I swear!

One last thing:

“But then, I like many different books. Douglas Adams Hitchhiker’s trilogy, Hubbard’s Battlefield Earth and Mission Earth series, Alan Dean Foster’s Spellsinger series, Piers Anthony’s Blue Adept, etc…”
Please don’t Put Adams in with those hacks. Please.

It’s not just a cheesy bit of sci-fi. I love sci-fi, and even take in the old pulp stuff with interest, because it reflects the politics and social mores of the early-to-mid 20th century quite well. To read pulp sci-fi is to explore the history of our culture. I don’t always like the stories, but I respect them, and their authors. Hubbard was not a writer. The above excerpt is a good reflection of this statement. He was a profound manipulator of the gullible, to be sure, but he had no talent for prose.

The only thing I can’t figure out is how I also managed to take in the movie, which also stank. I’ve been mulling this one over for years. Surely one would have steered me away from the other?!? I can’t recall specifically, but I believe I saw the movie first. Maybe I was hoping the book would be better.

And Nick, no offense, but as religions go, LDS is no better than Scientology. Both involve brainwashing via an invented mythology, by a cryptic elder “prophet” whose main agenda was control of the masses. Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard could have been pals, had they been contemporaries.

But what gets me is that everyone is picking up on the NAME of the book, and assume that it perfectly reflects his ideaology. If anyone actually read the book, they see it has nothing to do with mankind-led conflict.

Good? Good, you say? Like, compared to what? I think the nicest thing I can think of to say about that is that it’s funnier than most nutrition information.

Although, in all fairness, I will now admit that the phrase “Butt and crap story” is quickly becoming one of my favorites. So maybe he’s got a point.