I’ve been saying for years that those Ataris and Nintendos are the cause of violence, but you fools weren’t listening. Now the video game threat has reached our shores :

F-B-I agents say one of the six men accused of planning a shooting spree at Fort Dix conducted surveillance at several military installations.

According to a complaint, nearby Lakehurst Naval Air Station, Dover Air Force Base in Delaware and a Coast Guard building on Delaware Avenue in Philadelphia were cased in August 2006.

The F-B-I says it also tailed the suspect to Fort Monmouth.

Prosecutors say the suspect told an informant he settled on Dix because co-defendant Serdar Tatar delivered pizza to the post for Super Mario’s Pizza Restaurant in New Hanover Township.

From what sources are telling me, the Fort Dix terrorists were dangerously close to getting their hands on advanced flame-throwing technology.

Thank goodness we’ve got a President willing to use cheat codes to keep us safe.

Via Americablog, it seems that there’s a new reason to avoid jumping on the Straight Talk Express. John McCain is a complete dumbass :

Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”

Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”

Q: “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?”

Mr. McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”

Q: “But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: ‘No, we’re not going to distribute them,’ knowing that?”

Mr. McCain: (Twelve-second pause) “Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before.”

If we give McCain the benefit of the doubt and avoid jumping to the conclusion that he’s completely retarded, then it just means he’s pretending to know the simplest facts about an important issue just to kiss the ass of a portion of the electorate that will never, ever vote for him. All the pandering in the world won’t stop the slow-motion derailment of the Straight Talk Express. It’ll be fun to watch.

Atrios is right, when you’re using something like this to convince people there’s a “thriving Republican punk music scene”, then you’re an idiot :

And, as a Republican, I’m proud to have John Cummings in our Party. You may know John as Johnny Ramone, of one of the best bands of all time, the Ramones. The Ramones are largely regarded as being the first punk rock band and they happen to be Republicans. In fact, Johnny Ramone was quoted in 2004 as saying, “I send money to the [Republican National Committee] and to Bush/Cheney. I will argue politics with people all day long. I am one of the few Republicans out here.”

Odd that conservatives would boast of having a dead Ramone in their ranks when one of the band’s most political songs, Bonzo Goes To Bitburg, was to protest St. Ronnie putting a wreath on a Nazi grave :

Remind me, how many times did the Republican candidates compare themselves to Reagan in last week’s debate?

No kidding, I had this exact same idea a few years ago. At least, the Jesus pulling a giant cross out of thin air to beat an opponent and throwing a crown of thorns as a weapon. In the exists-only-in-my-head version, however, Jesus fights Vishnu, Buddha, Allah, Zeus, and Xenu.

Ohhh…how I love political stories like this :

When asked his favorite novel in an interview shown yesterday on the Fox News Channel, Mitt Romney pointed to “Battlefield Earth,” a novel by L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology. That book was turned into a film by John Travolta, a Scientologist.

Here’s a painting of Johnny Goodboy Tyler, the main character in Mitt Romney’s “favorite novel” :

An excerpt from Mitt Romney’s “favorite novel” :

“The probe and the pictures were on a metal that was rare everywhere and worth a clanking fortune. And Intergalactic paid the Psychlo governors sixty trillion Galactic credits for the directions and the concession. One gas barrage and we were in business.”

“Fairy tales, fairy tales,” said Char. “Every planet I ever helped gut has some butt and crap story like that. Every one.” He yawned his face into a huge cavern. “All that was hundreds, maybe thousands of years ago. You ever notice that the public relations department always puts their fairy tales so far back nobody can ever check them?”

“I’m going to go out and catch one of these things,” said Terl.

“Not with any of my crews or equipment you ain’t,” said Char.

Terl heaved his mammoth bulk off the seat and crossed the creaking floor to the berthing hatch.

“You’re as crazy as a nebula of crap,” said Char.

Seriously? Battlefield…Earth. By L. Ron Hubbard. Mitt Romney’s favorite novel? How many books has this guy read?

The truth is out there. Okay, it’s not here, but it’s out there somewhere.

Lou Dobbs takes on CNN’s chyron for being too immigrant-friendly :

DOBBS: You know, it’s fascinating to me to look down at that lower third. You see that, Kiran? It says “Immigration Nation”.

What in the devil does that mean?

CHETRY: Well, we put it there because it rhymes, I think. It rhymes.

If that doesn’t work out, CNN could always try immigration “fixation”, “crustacean”, “stagnation”, “taxation”, “vibration”, “sedation”, “gestation”, “salvation”, “mutation”, “gyration”, “inflation”, “lactation”, or “damnation”. Y’know, since they’re such big fans of rhyming and all.

On Sunday, I got caught accidentally sneaking a plastic bottle through airport security. As he pulled the contraband out of my laptop bag, the screener gave me a glare that said “Nice try, Osama”. Sorry, dude. I forgot we’re still supposed to be afraid of water.

Did you know today is a holiday? No, I’m not talking about the fourth anniversary of “Mission Accomplished” or May Day (Do Americans even recognize it anymore?). Today is Loyalty Day :

The holiday was first observed in 1921[1] as “Americanization Day,”[2] and was intended to counterbalance the celebration of the Labour Day on May Day — May 1, which was perceived as communist.

Loyalty Day is celebrated with parades and ceremonies in communities across the United States, although many people in the United States remain unaware of it. Although a legal holiday, it is not a federal holiday.

It was made an official holiday by the U.S. Congress on July 18, 1958 (Public Law 85-529).[3][4] Following the passage of this law, President Dwight D. Eisenhower proclaimed May 1, 1959 the first official observance of Loyalty Day.

As you could probably guess, the President (who could use some loyalty these days) has issued an official proclamation to celebrate Loyalty Day.

If that weren’t enough, there’s another holiday today. Started by Eisenhower and signed into law in 1961, today is Law Day as well. From Ike’s proclamation :

WHEREAS it is fitting that the people of this Nation should remember with pride and vigilantly guard the great heritage of liberty, justice and equality under law which our forefathers bequeathed to us; and

WHEREAS it is our moral and civic obligation as free men and as Americans to preserve and strengthen that great heritage; and

WHEREAS the principle of guaranteed fundamental rights of individuals under the law is the heart and sinew of our Nation, and distinguishes our governmental system from the type of government that rules by might alone; and

WHEREAS our government has served as an inspiration and a beacon light for oppressed peoples of the World seeking freedom, justice and equality of the individual under law; and

WHEREAS universal application of the principles of the rule of law in the settlement of international disputes would greatly enhance the cause of a just and enduring peace; and

WHEREAS a day of national dedication to the principle of government under law would afford us an opportunity better to understand and appreciate the manifold virtues of such a government and to focus the attention of the World upon them;

Hypocritically enough, the President is celebrating Law Day as well, with the invocation that “opportunity to celebrate the Constitution and the laws that protect our rights and liberties”. It’s hard to tell from the transcript whether or not the President’s remarks were accompanied by a laugh track.

Bob points to a few people who will never be in my Top 8 :

I’d check out Maverick‘s profile, but I don’t want to wade through the embedded videos, quizzes telling us which “Sex in the City” character he’d be, blog entries apologizing for not posting more blog entries….