“A turkey created TV…”
Ahhh…Thanksgiving is around the corner and I’ve got turkey on my mind. Unfortunately for those of us who prefer meat to tofurkeys, a new beverage has come along to make us projectile vomit :
- A new Turkey and Gravy Soda tastes, well, pretty much like you would imagine. But that’s not stopping people from buying it.
Even the producers of the Thanksgiving-themed beverage at Jones Soda Co. were surprised by the demand. They sold out all 6,000 bottles online within about two hours last week.
. . .
The liquid’s ominous, murky brown color accurately warns consumers about the taste. The first sips bring a mix of sweet caramel and savory lard ? and it’s downhill from there.
. . .
Mary Turner, a radio DJ in Lansing, Mich., who is auctioning off a bottle for charity, has sampled the drink and warns that it’s not for the faint of stomach: “If you roasted a turkey and mashed potatoes, put it in a blender, left it out for three days and then poured it into a Jones bottle, you’d know exactly what this drink tastes like!”
In other turkey news, Bush was uncharacteristically compassionate when he did something for a turkey that he was never willing to do for a human being :
- Stars the turkey may have pushed his luck by gobbling throughout a Rose Garden ceremony on Monday but President Bush just the same gave him a presidential pardon from being served for Thanksgiving dinner.
. . .
It was the 56th consecutive year the pardoning ceremony was held in the Rose Garden. The bird, supplied by the National Turkey Federation, was picked from among a group of 40 birds hatched on July 10 in a turkey barn in the Carthage, Missouri, area.Rather than being eaten on Thursday, like millions of other turkeys, Stars will live out the rest of its days at Frying Pan Park in nearby Herndon, Virginia.
Turning serious, Bush thanked U.S. forces serving in Iraq and elsewhere around the world.
Speaking of Turkey, remember all those people who have been killed in Turkish guerilla attacks? That’s okay, neither does Bush…
Points for the first person to identify the pop culture reference in this post’s subject. (And don’t say “Zing!”)
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Um, is it the old nick show Turkey Television?
Comment by The Eligible Ross Lincoln — November 25, 2003 @ 4:19 pm
Wasn’t “and that’s how a turkey created tv,” or something similar in the theme song. Was that the same show on nick that Full House star and comic genius Dave Coulier hosted (notice mild sarcasm in the “comic genius” part)? I was very young, and I don’t remember if those were two different shows or the same one. Help please… and where’s the link to the turkey and gravy soda story?
Comment by ricky prado — November 25, 2003 @ 6:50 pm
that television show facilitated the triumphant return of meat loaf. therefore, it was evil and unclean.
Comment by josh — November 25, 2003 @ 7:45 pm
dave coulier hosted out of control. a different shitty show.
Comment by garrett — November 27, 2003 @ 5:53 pm
the turkeys created t.v. so that the pilgrims would become lazy coud-potatoes and wouldn’t hunt them anymore. that was the basic idea behind that song.
little did those turkeys know that it wouldn’t help because the lazier the pilgrims got, the more room for big corporations to come in and start slaughtering turkeys in surplus to keep feeding the fat-lazy pilgrims who can’t get off their fat asses anymore. so, their plan backfired.
Comment by tom — December 1, 2003 @ 10:33 am
“coud-potatoes” should be “couch-potatoes”
Comment by tom — December 1, 2003 @ 10:33 am
I think I would rather like being a coud potato.
Anyway, greg, did we get it right?
Comment by The Eligible Ross Lincoln — December 1, 2003 @ 10:45 am
Yeah, it was the theme song to Turkey TV. Here’s the lyrics :
Four score and many years ago, we’re talkin’ pre-TV
Thurman Turkey strolled along his shores to see what he could see
He sniffed the flowers, felt the breeze, and thought a thought or two
As he was quoted later, “There was nothin’ else to do”
One day ol’ Thurman Turkey showed up missin’ from the flock
He had schlepped to Massachusetts where he perched on Plymouth Rock
A ship he spotted frightenin’ that made his blood run cold
“it was packed with pudgy pilgrims” from the bowsprit (?) to the hold
“Here comes the neighborhood”
Now he’s heard about those pilgrims and was ready for their flack
Ever since the Magna Carta they ate turkey for a snack
He invented something drastic that brought them to all fours
And it turned them into zombies, “when they settle on our shores”
That’s how a turkey created TV … “That’s right!”
That’s right, a turkey created TV
It sounds stupid but, Oh, take one look and you’ll know that a turkey created TV!
Of course, by quoting the theme song, I am in no way endorsing the show, which, if I remember correctly, was reqally really bad.
Comment by greg — December 1, 2003 @ 11:04 am
i seem to remember liking it… of course it was no where near as good as “you can’t do that on television” which is also pretty bad. but i liked it then.
Comment by tom — December 1, 2003 @ 11:13 am
Jumpin’ Jehosephat! For the record, You can’t do that on TV was fersnicken’ brilliant, except for the last 4 seasons. There will be no disclaiming of the brilliance of that wonderful show. Except, as I said, for the last 4 seasons.
Turkey television was occasionally cool. They had a bunch of corny wanna-be YCDTOTV style humor, but they also played music videos from Europe and elsewhere, as well as bizarre cartoons.
Comment by The Eligible Ross Lincoln — December 1, 2003 @ 12:20 pm
i’m not dissing “you can’t do that…” but i haven’t seen an episode in years. and when i did see one episode (about 4 years ago) it wasn’t as great as i had remembered it. i’m not saying it sucks or anything, but it doesn’t hold up quite as well as i remember. but tha’ts only based on one episode.
if they start relelasing “you can’t do that” on dvd, i’m sure i’ll be first in line to check them out.
Comment by tom — December 1, 2003 @ 12:34 pm
I’d rather let “You can’t do that…” remain a pleasent memory than see it again and realize how crappy it probably was. I can’t imagine laughing at the locker jokes, “I don’t know”, Barth, etc. now, but at the time it was hilarious.
By the way, you can find out everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the show at YCDTOTV.com.
Comment by greg — December 1, 2003 @ 1:06 pm
if you watch classic shows from your childhood, they, for the most part don’t quite live up. But just watch them stoned and you’ll realise the people who created Turkey TV(not one of my friends believes the show exists) and you cant do that on television(classic and still hysterical), were totally drugged out of there minds.
Tip try and watch the muppet show and you’ll see
Comment by Shannon — February 16, 2004 @ 1:38 pm